After an instant, not
Lina Ru
After an instant, not
As I breathe, oxygen comes in, I become what I breathe, yet I do not, carbon dioxide goes out.1 I’m not what came in, I’m not what left me yet I’m both and none after an instant, not.2 As I dream, melatonin comes in, I become what I dream, yet I do not as forgetfulness reigns.3 I’m not what I dreamt I’m not what I forgot, yet I’m both and none after an instant, not.4 As I learn, memories come in, I become what I retain, yet I do not, as cortisol impairs me.5 I’m not what's learnt, I’m not what’s felt, yet I’m both and none, after an instant, not.6 As I fade, a why do I? comes in, I became what I thought, yet I’m not as the knot that kept me alive unties itself.7 If I was what I felt, was what I dreamt, was what is learnt, with my last breath, after an instant, not.8 And yet I still linger as images in your mind about who I was, what would I hold true, assuming what I would have but you never could, because I never could even when alive pinpoint who I was after a second.9 If I were alive, for an instant after my last thought, I would disagree with what I wrote yet after another, not.
- Without them, there is no us, but without us, there would still be a them, don't hug the trunk, hug the leafy me:
- Oxygen finds its way into me, from gas to liquid, yet my sense of self remains intact, to pay constant attention to the exchange overwhelms:
- Melatonin makes us sleepy. When the lights dim, its empire begins to reign.
- There's a tick tock inside your brain, it turns on and off by the hour. So close to it is... to the pituitary, oh... stress might be near! It's cortisol.
- From dreaming to forgetting, from forgetting to dreaming... There's an oscillating dance: as soon as the cortisol bath is too hot, the hypothalamus signals to shut it down but if it gets too cold it signals the pituitary: Wake up the adrenal gland!
- But sometimes there's too much stress. I can't sleep. I can't concentrate. Was it the lack of sleep that started it or was it the stress? What was first the feeling or the thought?
- Why do you need to order who came first? If you find the guilty one, it won't change what you felt and later thought or thought and later felt.
- Fear and stress, what a pair! I'm now afraid I won't sleep. I'm diluted in the memory of a previous night. What keeps you awake is not what is happening, but what happened or could happen.
- Why, you, dreaded stress... Why can't you keep me away from eternal sleep? And because you can't, I'll run toward the embrace of ephimeral life. I'll find a way to ignore you as there's nothing more informative than a good night sleep after having learnt the most I could that day.
